Tag Archives: life

Not All Men

“Not all Men” I said and I meant it once upon a time, but not anymore.

I always felt it needed saying that whilst, yes some men are so fearful of Women they have to weigh them down at every turn, it’s not the case of all men. I was taught from an early age that ladies are equal, skin colour, religion and any other sub category doesn’t make anyone willing to work for something less entitled to have it. So my “not all men” comes from a family, more importantly a Mum, that have quietly championed equality, the odd insensitive joke and crass comment aside when ‘push came to shove’ no one was any less deserving of the best fairness that could be offered. They would stand against it inequality when they saw it and taught me to do the same. I felt it some kind of duty to remind these ladies making accusatory remarks about men, that while they might feel alienated and demeaned by men, not all of them think this way so change will come.

As with many things that have the best of intentions this ‘noble quest’ was flawed, only I couldn’t see it. I maintained a stance of “not all men”, going so far as do it more, because after all “why should I support a cause that isn’t willing separate me from the oppressors they scorn?”. I would argue with every kind of feminist that I came across, pitching the notion that to alienate ‘good men’ for their presence was surely going to backfire. Not because women aren’t capable, but because the men keeping them down lack enough empathetic intelligence to have their minds changed by feminism, men would have to be a  trojan horse in the single minded psyche of misogynists.

Eventually I abandoned my “crusade”, the deeper I went the more warped feminists were. It became more about vengeance than equality and started to cloud my thoughts on feminism. I began thinking about waiting on a time when a more inclusive alternative would rise like a mountain, forced up by the opposing forces surrounding it.  My belief in equality never tired, but I became transfixed on the platform of delivery. Modern feminism I felt was hypocritical, it’s to at risk of becoming the monster it’s fighting. To many “third” and “fourth wave” type terms, the narrow mindedness made the water to easily muddied by the few who do seek vengeance for oppression that runs far deeper than high heels and quips about driving ability.

Then one day I was hit in the face by a pan. A greasy, filthy pan that leaves it’s mark on your skin and seems to be everywhere once you notice it, leaving you craving a thorough scrub, preferably with a wire brush and industrial strength acid. Trawling though the world of social media I had been looking for pages that would give me up to the minute, accurate news that I could cross check almost in realtime, that meant following news agencies, writers, artists and journalists alike.  I noticed  a fair amount of ‘hub ub’ surrounding Lilly Allen, she was being lambasted for visiting “The Jungle” in Calais, specifically for saying to a young person their that she was sorry her country had failed them. Every opinion she tables is met with the sort animosity I wouldn’t expect the lowest forms of social life to endure, comments about her miscarriage that cut me deep, let alone her!  Then Tucker Carlsons news program featuring Lauren Duca hit the Twitter waves, again the comments being levied were vile and a sort of misogyny I thought was long gone, it is 2017 after all. I started to follow more female journalists, writers and academics, apart from variances in words the sentiments were still the same, women are lesser and men have the role of keeping them in their place. Then came the regularity of casual barrier crossing in the sexual sense, inappropriate touching on the underground, high heels being forced as part of uniform, manoeuvred into a vulnerable situations and propositioned forcefully, so on and so on and so on regardless of fame or fortune. A never ending cycle of daily small to large events that show misogyny isn’t dead, but lurking, shamefully waiting for each moment to reach out a lecherous hand and make contact. One story that really caught me was of a fifteen year old girl who started to ride the underground to work, one morning a man stood close to her on the platform, she didn’t think much of it, nor would I in fairness. For what ever reason they silently parted their mentally distant ways and she found her back pocket slimy and wet. The ‘man’ had used the crowded platform and close proximity to ejaculate into her back pocket, the first lady she spoke to was apathetic, it happens was the sentiment. Her first experience of independence similar to the scale she will experience ‘in the real world’ and she gets it tainted in a way few could have predicted, I suddenly saw why “not all men” carried no favour or merit.

“It happens” was the catalyst for a U turn on modern feminism and my, all be it nothing exceptional, stronger backing. Having a child and getting covered in sick is something that “happens”, cooking dinner and getting covered in grease is something that “happens”, getting wet because you forgot an umbrella is something that “happens”. Being a young lady and having some swine cum in your back pocket is not something that should just “happen” and be belittled or ignored. Going to work and being brushed aside in favour of a male counter part shouldn’t be shrugged at, tabling an opinion and having it ignored because your a woman isn’t something to scoffed at, being labeled a whore because you’ve had an abortion isn’t something to be swept aside and being payed less because of a different set of genitals isn’t something to begrudgingly accept. “It happens” is one of the terms used for cases of domestic rape when the law wasn’t so involved, its archaic and a sign of how little we as humans have really progressed, it’s a pathetic endowment of ‘us’ if we can sit back and let it carry on. I realised that whilst I am “not all men”, that makes no difference when a woman is faced with a barrage of ‘those’ men. It offers no help to the person being targeted and simultaneously has the potential of giving an escape route for the aggressor. The “it happens” of a man being caught under the umbrella of “all men” is a far less relevant than the “it happens” of sexual assault and oppressive sexism women are experiencing today, everyday. If you are saying to a lady arguing a case of misogyny that their statement has no merit because “not all men”, then your belittling the real life event that has created the need for it to be said. Ultimately you shift the focus away from women back onto men and how even when a woman is right she is still wrong. The biggest lesson I learnt was that however much I might have a point, it’s not bringing anything to the table that will effect change, the statement is simply like lighting a BBQ in the woods while firefighters are tackling a forest fire.

It’s true that there are some real batshit crazy women that will do and say things for attention or greed, but that is no different to the world of men. Every human entity regardless of sub category has it in them to be beautifully compassionate or a degrading shit! The one thing that can be clung to is that change can happen, but water doesn’t boil without enough heat. This pan is big, thick and regularly has chunks of ice dropped in for good measure, the water will boil and it when it does we can all share the warmth of the sweet tea it’ll make, but if “she puts the kettle on, men can make the tea”.

 

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Hebephilia

When is Pedophilia not Pedophilia? When it’s Hebephilia: a predatory sexual attraction to early adolescents. It’s no less legal, no less morally unjustifiable and to act upon it is to be no less of a monster.

At a time when the moral values we’ve wrestled with for many years are showing signs of gaining the upper hand, a glimpse into the mindset of one man shattered the fragile, opaque veneer like boiling water on cold glass. The volatile depths revealed are darker and more sinister than many could have imagined.

Milo Yiannopoulos made a “controversial statement” about the age of consent, arguing that at Thirteen an adolescent boy can be mentally developed enough have a consensual, sexual relationship with an older man. Going so far to say these relationships are actually healthy and form sturdy ground for future sexual developments and relationships. His argument was aimed primarily at the “gay community”, thirteen he said was the age at which a young man would develop the curiosities and actively probe for answers to the sensations harboured deep within. Citing a study, but not naming it, was justification for his statement that early adolescents, particularly boys, were capable of consensual intimacy and in fact actively searched for it. A study by The British Journal of Psychiatry in 2003 and published after review in 2004 concluded that males and females were similarly effected and age of abuse had little correlation to the likelihood of being effected mentally. (the study was conducted with abuse victims aged 16 and under)

‘Pro-Pedephilia’ Ken Plummer former Head of Sociology at Essex University and still associated with the university published a personal blog where he hoped to change the worlds view of pedophilia “by applying sociology to the field of paedophilia we may partially relativise it, humanise it, normalise it, and politicise it”. Mr Plummer showed an understanding that quantitive differences between the two distinctions exist, stating “studies suggest that relationships with children under 6 are rare – and that relationships with early adolescents are the most common”. He also said that the relationship between Pedophilic/Hebephilic adults and their targets is about the “love of children” and not “they’re after fucking little kids, ain’t they”. This statement is precursor to his theory that the very notion of pedophilia as coital is a spin by the press to demonise those who harbour such feelings. Further down Mr Plummer reasoned, “Indeed, in some cases the child can be seen as “inviting” the relationship, and – according to Mohr – “most children could have avoided the experience if they wanted to”. At the time of writing I couldn’t find the actual Blog post but I did find a blog written to Essex University asking about Ken Plummers status that recited excerpts from the blog as well as a bibliography from published works.

Another angle more focused on Hebephilia and what the author fells it is not, rather than is. Robert Lindsay on a personal blog site “Beyond Highbrow” wrote an article in 2014 decreeing that “All Normal Men are Pedophiles” In it he argues “The definition of a pedophile is a man who is exclusively or preferentially attracted to minors age 12-under” pointing out that the age wavers somewhere between 11 an 13. He also said “the truth is that many pedophiles are actually hebephiles” and later went on to decree Hebophilia to be a subset of Pedophilia that is more a crime of statutory rape than a crime against a minor. Mr Lindsey is strongly apposed to Hebophilia being linked to Pedophilia, an anecdote about someone he once knew traveling the world in search of twelve to fourteen year olds to have sex with, preferring the Third World because the chances of arrest are minimal. This person he says “was not someone I would call a Pedophile”.

Counter arguments to these sentiments are many and varied. People from all walks of life have debated, studied and worked on solutions to reduce and punish the actions of sexual predators. Pro or even borderline theories are few and contradictory in nature, some are even linked to convicted Pedophiles/Hebephiles. There is little sensationalism, but a preference for the distortion of words and their meanings.

The mental health ‘bible’ DSM5 rejected an attempt in 2011 to have Hebephilia put in as a mental illness.The editors of the DSM rejected the proposals on grounds that it is not a mental disorder but a sex crime. By defining Hebephilia and Pedophilia more succinctly it is hoped that a clearer, more effective solution can be afforded to the mentally disordered Pedophile and the predatory Hebophile who has no regard for legal and societal boundaries. It was also thrown out because to find younger people attractive is not uncommon, Calvin Klein found years ago the human psyche has a natural lean towards youth when it came to advertising. The music industry is a prime example of this. Justin Biebers boyish looks made him a popular choice with a post teen generation, so too did Britney Spears when she appeared provocatively dressed as a schoolgirl in her first music video. However, to take that further into the realms of sexual harassment, uninvited sexual contact and rape is a violent criminal act that should be treated as such. Extra attention needs to be paid though with the adolescent mind. It is in a constant state of fluxing and the ever increasing pressures all the way from peers to parents are difficult enough to navigate. Young peoples brains are still physically moving and these formative years where children transform into young adults are tough on the body and the personality being framed.

After an overview of research Laurence Steinberg, said in 2005 “Adolescence is often a period of especially heightened vulnerability as a consequence of potential disjunctions between developing brain, behavioral and cognitive systems that mature along different timetables and under the control of both common and independent biological processes. Taken together, these developments reinforce the emerging understanding of adolescence as a critical or sensitive period for a reorganization of regulatory systems, a reorganization that is fraught with both risks and opportunities.” The adolescent mind isn’t incapable of making informed decisions, but the combination of big changes and limited ‘wordly’ experience leaves them susceptible to manipulation, it is one the reasons pre-teens and teens are targeted in the first place. The meteoric rise of the internet and permanently attached cameras also opens young people up to a new wave of exploitation and blackmail that even a ‘street smart’ adult would have difficulty escaping once trapped.

The issue of Hebophilia not being the same as Pedophilia is true in description and legitimacy of mental disorder, but it carries the same risks of harm, the same risk of psychological damage and the same life sentence to its victim; it is a sex crime for good reason.

It must not be normalised or defended through questionable semantics, if as Romeo said “that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet” then the same must be said of its thorns and how deep they cut.

https://robertlindsay.wordpress.com/2014/01/15/why-all-normal-men-are-pedophiles/

https://spotlightonabuse.wordpress.com/2013/10/30/paedophilia-in-academia-ken-plummer-university-of-essex/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/dsm5-in-distress/201205/dsm-5-rejects-hebephilia-except-the-fine-print

https://the-orbit.net/almostdiamonds/2011/12/27/evidence-on-the-hebephilia-question/

http://bjp.rcpsych.org/content/184/5/416

Immigration in the UK

I’m not anti-immigration, but it’s just not right. Put the pitch forks back on there black, white letter stamped pegs, douse the petrol fuelled taps of anger, it is to do with them being different from us and that should be championed. Allowed to grow just like every other prosperous nation has been before.

In a country where the average waiting time to see a GP is over a week, a health service thats over worked and underpaid. A Police force thats under a daily barrage of cuts, political warfare and glacial culture divides the needs of such desperate people can not be effectively met. We can’t even meet the needs of our own people.

Mental health waiting times are dangerously long, people coming from such terrifying conditions are going to have mental health problems and we don’t have the capacity to deal with it effectively. Housing is either too expensive or not available due to costs. This leaves many with little option but exploitation and potential squaller, all the while our ex serviceman and mentally ill wonder the cold streets searching for a place to sleep.There is a good reason they tell you to put your mask on first during the pre-flight safety briefing!

The why for many is clear, the how is murky, full of misdirection and fear; the reasons have become irrelevant though. Conservative cuts have severed many public service veins and the only option now is well orchestrated political surgery, we seem to be lacking in decent political ‘surgeons’ lately.

Years of tradition and heritage are being eaten away by megalomaniacal extremists and morally deficient dictators. Stories and methods of practice are being forcibly removed with every death, diesel fuel induced stupor and mental scarring that each person is being assaulted with. Art, sculptures, scriptures, legends and myths are being resigned to ashen dust because the need to survives greater than the need for education. The only thing for many to hold onto is faith, faith in their god, faith that the west will help and faith that somewhere over the water the grass is greener. Worrying is when their beliefs are bastardised by psychopathic interpreters of holy text, people who will speak of a utopian land, rich with spoils from noble conquests all preached from their pulpits of rubble.

We do a disservice to our children and grandchildren if we bury these different values and cultures under a mountain of dirt carved by daisy cutters, we are taking away their chances to share difference and open their minds to change. That leads to certain negative behaviours becoming entrenched, the marginalised will learn what it is to be hated and hate in return, whilst the idealised indigenous learn what is to offer indifference instead of compassion. Safety in numbers becomes an easy tool for survival and sections of the country become secularised breeding grounds for ill prescribed rhetoric and dangerous action.

This should be a damning wake up call to western politicians who wax lyrical about moral values and shared responsibility. Those words are now cheap, unavailable and inconsistent with reality. It didn’t have to be that way, but lack of clear exit strategies and support for countries left violated by governments and extremists alike, waging proxy wars has made it so. One day the belittled children of today will have to pick up the pieces and doggedly glue the world they once felt safe in back together, knowing that some cracks will never go back like before, some cracks will always leak and some handles will never hold a full pitcher again.

You can’t blame people for wanting to come to a land that destroyed theirs, if it has the power to ravage their life then it must be doing more than surviving, it must be edging ever closer to the utopia they were promised. A country with enough time and money to spare time they can make vast arsenals of weapons capable immeasurable damage, these countries will be safe from ever having to bear witness to atrocities like they have seen, at least for a while. Weary feet can rest, curious minds can wonder, creative hands can make and fractured families can work again to be whole.

If only it were that simple, they have to endure a new set of challenges, technology, methods and customs so alien its a life of chalk and cheese. They aren’t welcomed or honoured like invited guests. Help is hard to come by and they’re increasingly cast aside by a privileged few. Treated as parasites and likened to rats by nature as well as living conditions. A natural reaction is to revert back into survival thinking, they aren’t going to prosper and “pay their way”, it’s like offering to save a drowning person and throwing them a brick. People will still want to come though as it doesn’t matter how green the other sides grass is, if yours is all but gone.

Each £22,000 Pave Way and £105,000 Brimstone missile is £127,000 that could have gone into rebuilding rather than destroying, defending rather than obliterating and educating rather than diminishing. These weapons have their place but the time of ‘throwing rocks’ from a distance is finite, negotiation and planned assistance are in prominent need, not chronic ‘parti pri’ peacemakers with money on their minds and cyclonite in their pockets.